The Branson Family.

Just because someone wakes up each day, downs a pint of salt water, stares into the sun, goes for a backwards run then takes a refreshing cold plunge, all because a stranger on the internet told them to, that does not mean they’re in a cult. Hmm. Come to think of it, that does sound like something someone in a cult would say. Shit.

Andrew Huberman has almost single-handedly created a devout sect of evangelical acolytes crazy enough to care about their health. They make us sick. Although that could also be all the microplastics and endocrine disruptors in our food, to be fair.

Virgin Active’s latest campaign is offering a way out. No quick fixes. No fad diets. No misinformation, disinformation, malinformtion or any other legacy media-invented pejorative designed to suppress discussion of heterodox ideas. Just good, old-fashioned, honest sweat. Because why listen to qualified medical professionals sharing cost-free advice online when you could pay £100 a month to have a personal trainer berate you until you vomit and cry?

Lock, Stock and Two Massive Blokes.

We’re conflicted. On the one hand, we applaud industries exploring new modes of creative expression. On the other hand, it was around the moment the heavyweight champion of the world came back from the dead and started levitating out of a bathtub while singing a Neil Diamond song that we couldn’t help but wonder if boxing promo content hasn’t rather jumped the shark.

We’re on the fence, but we daren’t dispute the divine wisdom of Riyadh Season. So far, they’ve rarely missed. Thanks to Turki Alalshikh and his infinitely deep-pocketed backers, boxing’s interesting again. And all it took was some diligent planning, effective strategy and clean executions… plus a shit load of cash.

Ahead of AJ vs. Dubois at Wembley this weekend, Riyadh Season backed up the Brink’s Truck to Guy Ritchie’s countryside estate to get him to direct the official promo video for the fight. As you can probably imagine, it’s divided opinion. Some fans are on board, but some are describing the boxers’ performances as ‘awkward’ and ‘cringe’… from the safety of the YouTube comments section, naturally.

Hawks and Doves.

Greenpeace are a bit like that person who insists on reminding you that fast food is poison. You know they’re probably right, but it’s still a bit of a vibe killer. I was just trying to enjoy my lunch, now you’ve got me thinking about Congolese cobalt mines.

The charity’s new campaign has Dove lined up in its crosshairs. PETA won’t be happy about that. The film pulls the old switcharoo to argue that while Dove have positioned themselves as a champion of women, pushing back against ‘toxic’ beauty trends and standards, in reality they’re destroying the planet. That took a turn.

We’re not here to take sides, but it’s worth considering the possibility that more than one thing can be true. Even if Dove’s environmental policy needs some work, does that completely undermine and invalidate decades of work to create a more inclusive, empowering beauty industry? We don’t have the answers. Well, we do – we’re just not going to say them. Instead, let’s all enjoy the new paradoxically unholy alliance between manosphere wellness conservatives and progressive environmentalists united in the war against microplastics. Their Yalta Conference ought to be interesting.

Consolation Prize.

The year is 1995. Nobody even knows what a microplastic is. Everybody’s able to tolerate gluten. Struggling actors can afford to live in Manhattan and hang out in coffee shops all day. The Cold War is over and the whole world is at peace (except the Balkans, Chechnya, Rwanda, Iraq and loads of other places). Everything’s going to be fine… forever.

We tend to view the past through rose-tinted goggles. And perhaps now more than ever, nostalgia sells. While it may not be possible to return to the Halcyon days of the past, you can at least bring a bit of 90s flavour to your phone.

Chinese technology company BitmoLab have released a case that transforms your iPhone into a Gameboy. Some people might see a cruel cosmic irony in turning the device that many believe ruined the world into a technologically-inferior simulacrum from our antediluvian past… and other people are playing The Legend of Zelda on the tube. Different strokes.

The Art of Capitalism.

Karl Marx once said: “All social rules and all relations between individuals are eroded by a cash economy, avarice drags Pluto himself out of the bowels of the earth”. And Wu-Tang Clan once said: “Cash rules everything around me: CREAM, get the money. Dollar, dollar bill y’all”. Karl must have failed to consider that counterpoint.

The scant remnants of our residual Victorian sensibilities can make it difficult to talk about money. Especially if you haven’t got much of it. But these 17 artists suffer from no such bashfulness.

A new exhibition at the Bank of England Museum is exploring the future of currency. Bank note collages. Silver spoons. Egg timers. Depictions of a dystopia where aliens use humans as a fuel source. We’re still trying to work out if this is more Marx or Wu-Tang. Ah, that classic duality of being.

Meal Deal or No Deal.

There is no trait worse than dogmatism… and absolutely nothing you can say will change our minds.

We thought people handing out fitness advice were militant, then we came across the ‘Rate My Meal Deal’ Facebook group. This wretched hive of villainy is overflowing with enlightened true believers proudly condemning anyone who chooses the wrong crisps as an infidel unworthy of their Clubcard. Nowhere else on the internet will you encounter such ferocious zealotry. And that’s precisely what Tesco are counting on.

This new campaign leans into the meal deal’s cult fandom to teach us a valuable lesson: we’re more similar than we are different, and it is only by tolerating and celebrating whatever differences we do have that we might forge a flourishing civil society. Yeah, right. Try telling that to Susan, 42 from Scunthorpe who just called someone a pervert for eating a prawn mayo baguette.