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Volume 384

Need to cheer up? This week’s coolsh*t is good for the blues. We’ve got top-flight survival scenes, eggy innovation, and a particularly bright prospective partner. Plus the latest coolsh*t podcast for your listening pleasure.

Spirit of the Blues.

Admittedly I may be a trifle biased here, but any piece of video content that can reduce me to tears deserves a place in coolsh*t. Either that or I’m just utterly unhinged and have been subjected to a season (plus the last 20 years or so) of torturous football and experienced some sort of apotheosis that could only be expressed through a paroxysm of weeping. With all that being said – over-said, if anything – a brief glance at the comments on this video will reveal the overwhelming unanimity of football fans from all corners, all of whom have agreed that this is a glorious piece of raw, emotive, masterfully-constructed content. And if you know football fans, you’ll know that getting them to agree on anything is no mean feat – except perhaps that the referee, whoever he may happen to be, is a wanker. Here’s to at least one more year of topflight emotional abuse for Evertonians.

Light of Your Life.

Very few people can truthfully claim to have a partner who lights up when they walk in the room. The reason for that is simple: far too few people are in relationships with lamps. Alright, hear me out… Designer Weng Xinyu from Berlin-based studio YUUE has released Cappy, an interactive table lamp designed to create emotional bonds between humans and daily objects. Or, to go with their more succinct product description: “Cappy is a lamp that you can flirt with”. Yep, this is definitely getting weird – but wait, it gets weirder. “To switch on the light, users can simply lift the cap-shaped lampshade, as if they were playfully teasing a romantic interest”. Is that how people are flirting these days? Because every time I try that to a construction worker I seem to get a black eye rather than a smooch. Maybe it’s just me. And if fondling lamps isn’t your thing, it can also charge your phone. Companionship x Convenience.

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If you listened to the podcast a couple weeks back, you will have heard a particularly insightful and entertaining discussion about Kendrick Lamar’s music video for ‘The Heart Part 5’, in which he takes on a number of different visages thanks to the magic of deepfake technology. One of the talking points from this chat was whether such technology could usher in a new era of possibilities for video content in which the talent wouldn’t even need to be physically present. Granted, that was mainly referring to the Jared Letos of the world who the crew probably can’t bear working with. However, in an altogether more morbid use of the technology, the late Stan Lee’s iconic cameos in the Marvel universe could be set to return thanks to CGI. Yeah, this is definitely a little strange. Dr. Strange, if you will. Does this mean that from this point onwards any tragically deceased actor can continue to appear in films posthumously forever? I honestly don’t know whether that’s impressive, exciting, terrifying, or some combination of all of the above.

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This deserved to make it into this week’s coolsh*t just on the basis of the sheer level of commitment to a pun. A bidet for Bee Day. Get it? Do you get it?! On the off chance that you were unaware, it was World Bee Day this week. In honour of such an important date in the calendar, Victorian Plumbing has created a less than one-inch-long bidet and in a bee-sized, bespoke bathroom, equipped with a walk-in shower and bathtub. The idea behind the campaign is to raise funds to protect British bees, which sounds a bit Brexit but is entirely necessary, because our lovely British bees are in great peril. A recent study revealed 67% of common bee species have declined since 1970 and the authorisation of bee-harming pesticides has placed the species at serious risk. Naturally, the bee-sized bidets weren’t expected to be a best seller, so Victorian Plumbing has pledged all profits of its adult-sized bidets to the British Beekeepers Association’s Save the Bees appeal. So, do the right thing. Buy a bath for your bottom.

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Cracked It.

These pesky vegans certainly are a creative bunch. It seems there is a new type of clever meat replacement produced on a nigh-on quotidian basis these days. And, in fairness, the innovation required to create a steak of seitan is quite impressive. Now if only they could find a way to make it taste less utterly ghastly. Well, now they’ve turned their attention to eggs. This week, Yo! Egg claims to have created the world’s first plant-based poached and fried eggs. Containing 0% cholesterol, the eggs are concocted out of a blend of plant-based proteins, sunflower oil, water and flour. Mmm, scrumptious. Although, in fairness, that sounds a great deal more appetising than the description of an actual egg, so maybe they’re onto something.

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Down Under.

You may think this looks a bit silly and juvenile, but being able to turn up to vote in a free and fair election while wearing nothing but tiny pants is an entirely pure expression of the type of liberty that acts as the cornerstone of any successful liberal democracy. It brings a tear to the eye. Plus, as it turns out, it’s also a rather crafty form of marketing. This was part of a campaign by Aussie swimwear brand Budgy Smuggler, who offered out a free pair of their stock to anyone who agreed to ‘exercise their constitutional right to vote without pants on’. They claim to have just seen it as a bit of harmless fun and hoped to see one or two absolute legends rock up in their swimmers. The surprise then came later when bloody loads of blokes did just that, suddenly making this quite an expensive joke for Budgy Smuggler. Plus it’s currently winter in Australia, which makes this even more of a bold choice. I wonder if Scott Morrison can see the funny side…

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The Coolsh*t Podcast - Ep. 13.

Should there be a line that comedians aren’t able to cross? Are there any topics that ought to be completely outside the realm of humour? Would you eat a herring burger? All these important questions and more, in this week’s podcast.

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