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Volume 377

Summer’s fast approaching, book your ticket to Crypto Island. Just kidding, you’re not invited. But you can read about it in this week’s coolsh*t. That, plus an interplanetary telegram, some life-saving slime, and a vigilante hero. And, if you can't be bothered to read, just listen to the podcast.

Island Boys.

Introducing the modern-day Xanadu: Satoshi Island. But with less Olivia Newton-John dancing around on a beach (I haven’t seen the film, but it sounds like it should probably have a beach in it*), and more sunburnt blokes in socks and sandals complaining about the Wi-Fi speed. Heaven on Earth. The first of its kind, Satoshi Island is a private island in Vanuatu setting out to be the world’s first cryptocurrency economy — the official home for crypto ‘professionals and enthusiasts’. They’ve just announced the beginning of construction of the 800-acre sustainable smart city, which will run on a decentralized financial system and include a mix of resort-style villas for vacationing and smart homes and offices for those looking to make Satoshi Island their new home. Although, by the looks of it, they’ll be living in what appear to be transparent shipping containers all stacked atop one another, so I hope they like seeing their neighbours in the nude. Overall, it’s hard to tell whether this is coolsh*t or cult sh*t. The voiceover on the video is so soothing that it becomes unsettling. However, this could be the secluded island paradise of dreams for those crypto bros who are more adept at picking up pool cues than social cues.

*Edit: I’ve now discovered that Xanadu isn’t about an island and I’ve completely made that up, but I refuse to re-write it.

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Anyone Out There?

For better or for worse, we are obsessed with aliens. I blame Joe Rogan. That seems to be a safe approach at the minute. However, this obsession isn’t limited to protein-guzzling, elk-munching stoners – it has tiptoed to the very top of the scientific community. A group of scientists have developed a new message to be beamed to intelligent aliens that might exist in the Milky Way. So, what are they planning on showing them? Nudes, by the looks of it. They’re sending a picture of a naked man and woman to show what human beings look like. If there are any alien beings with nefarious intent out there, it seems foolish to show them how pink, squishy, and vulnerable we are – but I’m not a scientist, what do I know? They’re also using the Beacon in the Galaxy (BITG) to reveal our exact location, just in case any potential recipients fancy paying us a visit. Stephen Hawking warned specifically not to do that, by the way. Having had a pandemic and with the world being on the brink of a global conflict, aliens turning up really would be the cherry on this messed up cake.

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Lunar Loot.

Would you pay a million quid for a bag of dust? I know dealers have raised their prices, but that’s insane. However, this isn’t any old bag of dust. This is an old bag of moon dust. Moon dust from the Apollo 11 mission, to be precise. On April 13th, the ‘Space History’ sale at Bonhams will be offering the chance to purchase the first-ever sample of lunar dust, collected by Neil Armstrong in 1969 from the Warner Brothers Studio car park – or the ‘moon’, if you believe the official story. As you may expect, its path to auction wasn’t simple. The bag, which was lost by NASA, eventually made its way to the personal collection of a past curator of the Cosmosphere Space Museum in Hutchinson, Kansas, who was later found guilty of selling museum property. After that, the bag was confiscated and sold to pay damages in a US marshal auction. Now, a court has ruled that this will be the first time that Apollo lunar dust verified by NASA can legally be sold – despite NASA’s best efforts to block the sale. Hope you’ve been saving up.

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Sun Downers.

Doing a campaign around Ramadan should naturally be treated with a fair amount of delicacy. On the one hand, you don’t want to create something incredibly tone-deaf and wildly offensive. And, on the other, you don’t want to be seen as using it as an opportunity just to fluff your own feathers. Tesco, however, have managed to get it pretty spot on. Created by BBH London, Tesco have launched a billboard campaign featuring a collection of empty plates during the day, which fill up with food as the sun sets, to signify Iftar, the meal eaten by Muslims at the end of each day’s fast during Ramadan. Considering the insane amount of Christmas campaigns you see each year, this is a neat way of bringing attention to something so significant to so many. Plus it was shot by our mate Khalil, so that’s just a bonus.

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That's Attractive.

Typically, if somebody asks if they can put some magnetic slime inside your body, you ought to politely decline and suggest that they be institutionalized. However, a group of scientists have just invented a goo that could one day save your life. So, now when someone offers to put magnetic slime in you, just say ‘Ahhhh’. As we’ve already established, I’m no scientist, so I’m going to take the cop out option and simply quote what Dr. Karan Raj said about the slime: “This magnetic slime ball has a custard-like consistency, and can squeeze through narrow objects. It can be manipulated by an external magnet to reach out to nearby objects and grasp them. The hope is that one day it can be used inside the human body to retrieve swallowed foreign objects.” That would certainly deal with all the Hot Wheels lodged in my stomach. It can also heal itself if damaged or cut, because of course it can.

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The Hero We Needed.

This is the level of pettiness that I aspire to one day attain. A man from Stoke-On-Trent was sick of people speeding past his house, so he decided to take matters into his own hands by installing a fake speed camera van to sit on the side of the road to deter any ne’er-do-well speed demons. When asked why, Rob Adcock said that it “does his tree in” seeing “some muppet” clearly not doing 30mph. Oh Rob, you little vigilante, you. We all need a cause, I suppose. This is like the Stoke version of The Punisher. In fairness, Rob did also explain that a group of lads once crashed into his garden. Having once crashed a car into someone’s garden, I can confirm that it does tend to rub people up the wrong way. Rob whacked a sign on the back of his van with the words ‘This is NOT a’ written in tiny text above ‘Speed Camera’. There’s a life lesson in there: always read the small print. And don’t f*ck about with a bloke from Stoke. Not even Robbie Williams.

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The Coolsh*t Podcast - Ep. 6.

The coolsh*t podcast returns once more to make sense of the madness. And probably introduce some other madness. Plus some big strawberry chat. This one’s not to be missed.

Listen to the Podcast