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Volume 375

The sun is shining: put your feet up and kick back with some coolsh*t. This week, we’ve got surreptitious sunglass selling, some particularly fishy beef, and a bunch of shirtless people screaming. It’ll make sense once you read it. And, obviously, go listen to the podcast, too.

Molotov Mocktails.

As I’m sure you won’t need reminding, there is still a war going on in Ukraine. Saying that, you can now see other stories beginning to creep on to the front pages. As we mentioned last week, we’ve seen a lot of attempts to raise money for the people of Ukraine – some well-judged, others less so. But, as we also pointed out last week, even the arguably less appropriate fundraising attempts generally still seem to be well-intentioned. But I think perhaps we were a little too critical, as in such an urgent situation, surely the ends justify the means if in that instance the means are a little naff and the ends amount to substantive benefit to the people who desperately need it. Take this example: a custom LEGO store in Chicago named Citizen Brick is selling custom designed LEGOs modelled after Zelenskyy and Molotov Cocktails. Now, does it feel a little out of touch to turn a weapon that burns people alive into a toy? A little, yeah. But they’ve raised over $16,000 dollars and have been endorsed by the Ukrainian Instagram, so who am I to say anything? I don’t know, still feels a little grubby. So, I’m leaving this one open-ended – coolsh*t, or not? What do we reckon? Well, it’s made it in, so the question is slightly redundant – but maybe just chew on it a bit.

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My Eyes!

It takes some serious bollocks to advertise sunglasses without showing a single set of glasses. But how better to demonstrate the need for sunglasses than showing a load of people squinting while looking at the sun? Establish necessity, provide the solution: that’s supply and demand, bitches. Also, the launch of this campaign couldn’t have been better timed. With the sun having just started shining after what felt like an eternal hibernation and with temperatures reaching a positively sweltering 19 degrees this week, the time for sunglasses is well and truly upon us. Plus, putting on a pair of sunglasses at this time of year is symbolic of a wilful optimism for better days to come. I don’t care if it’s 10 degrees and breezy, if there’s a lick of sunlight out, I will whack on some sunnies and strut about London sipping a warm Stella in shorts and sliders – because that’s what summer’s all about. Great ad. Now I’m gonna go buy some Ray Bans.

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Real Football People.

Real football fans are able to appreciate the ugly side of the beautiful game. Martin Parr has been capturing the thrill and agony of football for over 40 years and is bringing a collection of his photography to the Oof Gallery this Spring. The show is said to capture people “celebrating, commiserating, or just meditatively lost in the moment of following their team”. I’m not sure about the meditative part. That bloke in the picture doesn’t look terribly zen. The collection ranges from Hartlepool in the 70s, to the modern game, to prime ‘Brits abroad’ behaviour kicking an air-ball about under the Benidorm sun. Quality stuff. Almost as good as what we’ve been doing for Mitre’s #DifferentLeague campaign over the last few months. Shameless plug. I am not sorry.

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I have a passionate part-time interest in shit tattoos. Can’t get enough of them. Crossed out names of former lovers, wolves that look more like anaemic foxes, ‘no ragrets’ across the chest – all that sort of stuff. But, in terms of beautifully tragic tattoos, nothing beats the deep and meaningful words and sayings in foreign languages that people get permanently branded upon their bodies only to find out that they don’t translate to quite what they had hoped. Take, for example, that charming character in the title – that actually means soup in Mandarin, but it’s visually very similar to the symbol for courage. Duolingo’s #TattooDuoOver campaign is offering people with dodgy tattoos the chance to right that wong. All you have to do is send your tattoo to Duolingo, who will translate it and then invite a few recipients of erroneous ink to Paris to get sorted out. Now I’m tempted to get a shit tattoo just to get a free holiday…

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Fish Diss.

Is it beef? Nah, fish. It’s fish beef. Which, incidentally, would be a far more appropriate name for monkfish. Pusha T has partnered with Arby’s on a diss track to send for McDonald’s, questioning the quality of the famous Filet-o-Fish while also promoting Arby’s’ Spicy Fish Sandwich. And this beef gets even more juicy, as it turns out that Pusha T was behind the “I’m Lovin’ It” jingle – which is utterly bonkers in itself, by the way. Pusha understandably feels slightly aggrieved for being paid such a pitiful amount at a young age for creating what went on to be one of the most recognisable noises in the history of humankind. Oh, actually, he got paid a million quid – never mind. But he wants more! This ain’t over. Hopefully McDonald’s can get Drake on the response to reignite their feud – then the two can come together in a sit down mediated by Tim Westwood and settle their differences over a couple ‘fish’ sandwiches.

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Visualise It.

Have you ever wondered what your thoughts look like? ‘Think in Colour’ is a program that creates a digital sculpture that’s meant to be a visual representation of your thoughts, views, opinions, feelings, hopes and dreams. How very Kumbaya. The sculpture is created based upon your responses to a number of philosophical, moral, aesthetic and practical questions. With each response, the sculptural blob begins to morph and take on new colours and shapes according to the percentage to which you agree or disagree with the previous question. See, I started to get a little pissed off when mine started to get a bit spiky after question 7, which probably slightly proved its point. Darn you, spiky blob. At the end of the questions, you’ll get scored on curiosity, flexibility, open-mindedness and empathy. I scored particularly badly on flexibility, which is unfair given that I’m only busy on Tuesdays. Give it a go yourself to see the colour and shape of your dark, twisted mind.

Take the Test

The Coolsh*t Podcast - Ep. 4.

The fun doesn’t stop there. Listen to this week’s podcast to hear how we got here. There’s some extra beef along the way.

Listen to the Podcast