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Volume 340

Prep for doomsday with this week’s coolsh*t. We’ve got nuclear bunker bangers, toilet art, and purifying plants. Plus there’s a sporty vs. spotty showdown as we find out whether athletes or gamers reign supreme.


It’s not really coolsh*t’s place to moralize to anyone, and we won’t, as we’re fairly hopeful that none of you reading this will have been anything other than appalled and disgusted by the abuse received by some of the England players after last week’s final. One case that stood out: Marcus Rashford. A 23-year-old man playing for his country, who has just spent the last year or so raising over £20m worth of free school meals for kids who needed them. His mural in Manchester was defaced with “racially aggravated” graffiti by some utter morons, presumably after they spent about half an hour trying to figure out how to work a spray can. It’s hard to put any positive spin on this, but the response of the Withington community has given some reason to be optimistic. The mural was repaired by its artist, Akse, and then covered with England flags and post-it notes of support and tribute to Rashford. A modicum of faith in humanity has been restored.

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Fancy Ficus.

Particularly over the last year, it seems that people have gone potty for potted plants. But this is a phenomenon that has rather passed me by, as I just can’t quite work out how a Japanese peace lily is going to improve my quality of life. Generally, if it ain’t functional, it ain’t around. This is a more of an American Psycho approach to décor. But now those two positions can be reconciled, thanks to the ‘HiPlant’ 6-in-1 smart pot, which serves as a Bluetooth speaker, humidifier, air purifier, desk lamp and alarm clock. And a pot, obviously. Granted, I’m not sure why I need several of those things, but I’m still impressed. Now finally all your useless plants can start to earn their keep. I bet that miniature Zamioculcas in the corner of your room looks pretty pathetic now, huh?

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Athletes Vs. Nerds.

It can feel as if we’re tiptoeing towards a world where virtual experiences become either identical to, or possibly more desirable than, those experiences we can have in the real world. And it’s really fast tiptoeing at that, kind of like the Pink Panther. Arcadia is a new VR platform that attempts to bridge the gap between athleticism and gaming. So maybe one day those ‘eSports’ bunch can actually call themselves ‘athletes’ without being greeted by a chorus scoffs and muted laughter. The players will compete against each other physically, but in the virtual world that Arcadia have created in a 10,000-square-foot VR arena. This will all be streamed for the viewing public’s enjoyment, just like any other sport. Is this the future? It can certainly at least replace badminton. The creators of Arcadia say this is like nothing we’ve seen before, as there are certain aspects where the gamers have an advantage over the athletes due to being “better at observing patterns”. Yeah, ok – I’ll believe that when I see it. Maybe they’d have the edge in a simulated Dorito-eating contest, but, generally, I’m favouring LeBron James over the kid with pocket protectors and a lunch box.

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Nuclear Tunes.

Who knows what the future holds – but if it doesn’t hold at least a couple Robbie Williams songs, then frankly who cares? In case of any impending disaster, a Norwegian company have decided to build a doomsday vault for music on an Arctic island midway between the North Pole and Norway. The so-called ‘Global Music Vault’ will endure for at least 1,000 years, buried on the Svalbard archipelago beneath ice and snow at a depth of 1,000 feet. Hopefully they remember to draw up a map. The storage technology uses binary coding and high-density QR codes written onto special durable optical film, which is supposedly able to withstand electromagnetic pulses from a nuclear explosion that would normally knacker digital files. They’ll be making their first deposit in 2022, with the initial focus being on preserving Indigenous music from across the globe. Whoever finds this in 800 years’ time is going to get quite the shock when they go from that to Cardi B.

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On a Roll.

People took up a whole bunch of new hobbies during the height of the pandemic in 2020, and, apparently, that includes scribbling on some bog roll. Hang on, while everyone else in the US was making a beeline to Walmart to stockpile toilet roll, this lady was using it to make art? Now that is decadence. But it was worth it. Over the course of 320 days, Nethmie Hetti drew intricate European cityscapes and landscapes onto a single roll of toilet paper to create a continuous 11-metre-long panorama. That is seriously fancy loo roll as well; that must be at least 3-ply – which incidentally has actually given the work a depth and detail that wouldn’t be achievable on boring, old, regular paper. Head over to her Instagram to take a virtual tour of the full ‘escape roll’ here. It’s like a modern day Bayeux Tapestry. There’s a pun in there somewhere but I’m not going to make it. Bayeux Crapestry. Ah, look at that, I couldn’t help myself.

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realsh*t: Crowd Control.

Has our national football obsession overridden any sense of care or caution about the pandemic? Was football been given preferential treatment over other industries left to languish? Is it really time to open everything up?

We spoke to SELFHOOD about the Euros just gone and how they’re feeling about the prospect of ‘Freedom Day’ just around the corner.

Real People, Real Time… Realsh*t.

More realsh*t