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Volume 332

Waste not, want not, this week’s coolsh*t is recycling responsibly with plastic propaganda, Superbad sneakers and some lost property that probably should have stayed lost.


It’s not always easy working out how best to get your point across, but, if in doubt, rain garbage down upon the head of a world leader and send him washing through the street in a tsunami of plastic bottles. That’s always my go-to. Greenpeace’s new video features a CGI Boris Johnson – voiced by Matt Forde, who perfectly captures that mix of Old Etonian and Arnold Schwarzenegger-esque inexplicable gargling – and poor Boris isn’t having the best day in it. There’s also a cameo for a Machiavellian Michael Gove grinning on voyeuristically before getting clarted himself. It then cuts to real footage of waste being dumped and burned, which frankly was a bit of a buzzkill – but apparently that’s kind of the point. Featuring only real quotes from the PM, the video is meant to raise awareness of the amount of plastic waste the UK ships overseas to be burnt in landfill dumps. It does make you feel like a bit of a mug separating recyclables and non-recyclables, to be fair. And don’t even get me started on that grim food bin…

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McLovin' It.

I’m somewhat on the fence when it comes to athlete collaboration trainers, simply because over the years quite a lot of them have been a bit naff. In fairness, it makes sense that everybody would want to find the next ‘Jordan’, as Nike have managed to create a brand in its own right that has long outlived the playing career of its eponymous inspiration. And to prove that, they’re even doing collaborations within that collaboration, as Blake Griffin stepped on to the court this week in an exclusive pair of McLovin-themed Air Jordan 35s. If you haven’t seen Superbad, then this will mean basically nothing to you, for which I apologise. The custom J’s come with McLovin’s fake ID, but with Griffin’s face over it – which is a bit of a stretch to get from a speccy nerd who’s 100lbs dripping wet to a 6’10 jock carved out of granite, but I imagine you don’t get many perfect McLovin lookalikes playing in the NBA. Although I’d be much more likely to watch it if you did.

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Charged Up.

In case you hadn’t noticed, petrol cars will likely soon go the way of the Dodo. In just a matter of years, the ineffable roar of a Mustang will be all but silenced and replaced with the gentle hum of the Prius. Thanks a lot, Greenpeace. But there remains a fear that EVs might not have the range to get you from one charging station to another on long journeys. It’s all well and good having your futuristic, self-driving Tesla, but it’s not quite so cool when it runs out of juice and leaves you stranded on the side of the M1 outside Hemel Hempstead. A researcher at Cornell University has been developing technology to solve this issue, and it seems the answer is incredibly simple. All we need to do is rip up all the roads and replace them with new ones fitted with high-frequency electrical fields that will give them charging capabilities. I said it was simple, I didn’t say it was easy. But Professor Khurram Afridi says the infrastructure is already knackered and most of the roads in the US are shite anyways, so now’s the time. I’m in – just as long as we don’t get any more of those new ‘smart’ motorways.

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Lost & Found.

Even in a global pandemic, Uber drivers managed to complete over 5 billion trips last year. If you come into contact with that many people, there are going to be a few oddballs in the mix. And they might be carrying around some of their oddball belongings. But since they’re so busy with their oddball thoughts, they might just forget to take their ‘large painting of Kate Middleton’ with them when they disembark. Uber shared their annual Lost & Found Index this week and, as you might expect, there’s a lot of phones, wallets, headphones and other pretty dull possessions. But they spiced it up this year by also releasing a list of the most bizarre items people had forgotten and then requested to be reunited with. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but some of the standouts include: a cooler of fish, rabbit legs, a tooth, a dog’s ashes, a load of frozen meat, an ankle tag, and an FBI bulletproof vest. I hope those last two aren’t connected, or there might be a criminal on the loose masquerading as an FBI detective. So let this be a reminder – when you leave an Uber, just make sure you’ve got your catheter and your sushi platter with you.

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BBQ 2-Go.

I’ve noticed that one of the benefits of the pandemic which will hopefully remain long-term is how much nicer pubs have been forced to make their gardens. As there’s been more competition lately to get people in the door – or just outside the door, I guess – pub owners have had to innovate to find new and better ways to accommodate customers outdoors rather than just sticking a ‘smoking area’ sign next to the skip. Restaurants likewise have been forced to change how they do things, and there’s no better example of that than chef Chris Oh’s Korean BBQ Car. Despite rave reviews, I’ve never been completely sold on the idea of KBBQ, simply because I’m lazy and the prospect of cooking for myself at a restaurant fills me with terror. However, it makes a great deal more sense if you can drive the restaurant up into the mountains with you. It comes with a motorised table with a barbecue grill, mounted TV, strobe lights, speakers and all the KBBQ classic foods and drinks. Just go easy on the Soju for the journey home.

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Killing Time.

There’s no commodity more precious than time. Except maybe Dogecoin. Although that’s gone to shit now, so I guess we’re back to time. You can’t buy any more of it and there never seems to be enough – so the very idea of ‘killing time’ can seem a little baffling. But not to Josh Cohen, who decided to do just that. Literally. In about a minute and a half of satisfying destruction, he showed time who’s boss by way of a third round TKO following a relentless assault with a bow and arrow, a shotgun, and, finally, fire. Cohen claims the video is a response to the necessity he found of killing time over the last year with little else to do. Although really I expect he just wanted an excuse to set clocks on fire without looking like a lunatic. At least he wasn’t making banana bread.

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