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Volume 317

Start picking out a speedboat, because we’re all getting rich. In this week’s coolsh*t, we’re bringing you outsider trading tips, the highest quality snowflakery, and a few glimpses into the future…


Tipsters are tricky. And they’re not always the most trustworthy bunch. But I suppose that’s the nature of gambling: you win some, you lose some – but either way you’re having fun. Unless you lose. From my personal experience, I’ve been let down countless times by this fella on Twitter who, each weekend, assures me unequivocally of the certain success of so-called “bankers”, like his most recent tip of Fernandinho to get booked, over 2.5 goals and 6+ corners for each team. 35/1? They’re basically giving away free money at those odds! But no, I lost my tenner and the tipster lost a follower. But luckily for me and unluckily for Sky Bet, there’s a new fool-proof get-rich-quick method. Elon Musk is a fairly controversial figure at times, but it appears that history can now pivot on its axis based on his words. Not even words, actually, but Tweets. Bad Unicorn observed that whenever Musk mentions a company on Twitter, their share price goes mental – just look at the GAMESTONK example from last week if you need any proof. In light of that, they’ve set up Elon Stocks, which will automatically notify your phone every time he mentions a stock on Twitter – all for just $1 a week. Sign me up. See you in The Bahamas, nerds.

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Bloody Snowflakes.

The word “snowflake” has such unfortunate connotations these days that I’d actually kind of forgotten that it can mean anything other than an easily-irked intersectional poet/universal activist baying for the blood of a YouTuber because of a tweet they made when they were 14. And what a tremendous shame that is, as I’m reminded today that snowflakes are actually pretty sick. The real ones that is, not the other ones. Unless they’ve accidentally eaten some gluten, then they’d probably be sick too. Former Microsoft Chief Technology Officer Nathan Myrhvold spent the last year and a half building an incredibly complex camera capable of taking what are believed to be the highest-resolution photos of snowflakes in existence. Talk about a niche ambition. But the results are pretty spectacular, so check out the rest of the images if you want to see the clearest snowflakes known to man. And if that doesn’t do it for you, just go to the Vice office and ask if they’ve got any regular milk.

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Hands-Free Trainers.

I know what you’re thinking, and I get it – ‘hands-free trainers’ don’t sound all that impressive. I don’t want to be presumptuous, but I think I can safely speak for everyone when I say that the trainer is typically seen as more of a foot-based endeavour. But try to put your shoes on without using your hands. Aha! Got you. Not so easy, is it? Well, obviously it’s quite easy. But you’ve probably messed up the back a little bit – and for a true sneakerhead, that’s tantamount to murder. The new Nike GO FlyEase has solved that issue thanks to a “kicking” mechanism that mirrors the way we all put on/take off our shoes and will spare you from having to stamp down on your horrid little fingers. Truth be told, it’s not the easiest thing to describe and I had planned on embedding a video to make sense of it all. But while Nike are class at making trainers, they’re apparently quite sh*t at putting their videos on Vimeo or YouTube. So if my “kicking” explanation left something to be desired, maybe just look here instead.

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Charger-Free Charging.

That’s right. We call that a reload. From hands-free trainers to charger-free charging, this week’s coolsh*t is saving your lazy arse literally seconds of inconvenience. Don’t mention it, you’re welcome. Although, if the trainers seemed a little bit gimmicky, this probably shouldn’t. I imagine I’m not alone in having ripped through dozens of phone chargers throughout the last decade. Admittedly, that’s probably because I’m buying the knock-off Chinese ones off Amazon that stretch up to 3 metres. But the point still stands: chargers break all the time and, due to the nature of our current cyborg-like existence where being without a phone is like being without a limb, they are something that we absolutely need to replace the very second one dies on us. So we’re a bit of a captive audience for the purveyors of charger cables in that sense. Until now. Well, not now – but soon, maybe. Xiaomi are developing technology that will eschew the need for fiddly cables and plugs for good. “But wireless chargers have been around for years, you idiot, haven’t you seen those little disks they’ve got in McDonalds?’”. Yes, but you can take your disks and shove ‘em, as Xiaomi are going one further by charging your phone through the air. Picture this: you walk into a room, and your phone just starts charging. Sounds heavenly. So fingers crossed things go according to plan, and perhaps soon you’ll never have to be without your precious little phone for even a moment ever again.

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Going Overground.

I’ll be completely honest with you, I’m not entirely sure what a ‘Hyperloop’ is. And after reading the article, I’m still not much clearer – but I’m pretty sure I like the look of it. Plus it’s not like you come here expecting any sort of expertise. So here goes: it’s a sort of portal-pod for mass transportation that looks a bit like a dystopian futuristic monorail. Oh, and it also levitates and travels at about 1000Km/h. Ok, you now know at least as much as me. But apparently this is the plan for the future of transportation – at least in Richard Branson’s twisted billionaire brain. Following its first successful passenger test, Virgin released this video to reveal their vision for what the Hyperloop might look like in the future. And when I say future, I actually mean in 9 years. Yep, apparently in 2030 we’ll all be able to travel from London to Paris in 27 minutes thanks to a high-speed, floating pod powered by witchcraft and affordable broadband. What a world. I wonder how long it’ll take before it’s covered in graffiti and piss like any other train station in Britain.

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Gen Z: Bravery, or Bullsh*t?

What makes a brand genuinely brave? Challenging antiquated social norms? Practising total transparency? Putting values first, and profit margins second? Any which way, one thing’s for certain: it involves taking risks.

We spoke to members of the SELFHOOD Collective to get a first-hand perspective on what makes a brand brave to the Next Gen, along with some expert voices from Atlantic Records and Sport England to explain how brands can go beyond the bullsh*t to build loyal and lasting support.

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