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Volume 314

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s this week’s coolsh*t. And it’s bringing you perfect pints, beeswax busts, and the escapades of an unlikely hero. Plus, SELFHOOD serve up the latest Next Gen knowledge in this month's re-up.

Life's a Bitcoin.

I’m not sure how cool this particular story is, but it did make me laugh a bit. I don’t know what that says about me; perhaps I’m just a nasty troll. But I think it can be interpreted in a rather uplifting manner: no matter how bad your day’s going, you haven’t locked yourself out of a bank account with millions of dollars in it. That’s the very sticky situation currently faced by Stefan Thomas, a San Francisco-based programmer who was given around 7000 Bitcoins a decade ago by an early investor. (And, to the uninitiated, that now works out as about $220million). Which sounds great – but unfortunately, he’s lost his password. You’re probably now thinking, ‘oh how many passwords can he have? I’m sure he’ll get it eventually’. But nay, my fine, feathered friend – the plot thickens: Stefan selected security settings that would destroy everything in the wallet after 10 incorrect password guesses. At the time of writing, he’s 8 guesses deep so now has just 2 more between himself and a vanquished multi-million-dollar fortune. Gulp. But just imagine the scenes if he gets it on the final attempt.

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Mind Your Beeswax.

You don’t need much to be a successful artist: just a vision and 60,000 honeybees, apparently. That was the revelation that struck Slovakian artist Tomáš Libertíny, who, along with his army of bees, has just finished a beeswax version of the bust of Nefertiti. The artist claimed that the sculpture is ‘a testament to the strength and timelessness of “mother nature” as well as its ancient character as a powerful female reigning against the odds.’ He then added, ‘and that bees are f*cking sick, mate’. This isn’t Tomáš’ first beeswax rodeo; it’s actually the crowning jewel in his imaginatively-named ‘Made by Bees’ series, which also includes a portrait of Brutus and a honeycomb amphora. The sculptures are supposedly incredibly stable, as beeswax is one of the most durable natural materials in the world and can last thousands of years without deteriorating. That’ll make for a confusing afternoon for the archaeologist who finds these in 1000 years’ time when our civilisation has inevitably been destroyed and these are all that’s left.

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Life simply isn’t the same without the pub. And any attempts to recreate it just fall flat. Playing Danny Dyer YouTube videos on a loop doesn’t recreate the real experience of having an angry cockney chew your ear off; watching your dad eat a fry up isn’t quite the same as seeing those old blokes in Wetherspoons at 10am with a breakfast, paper and a pint; and your dog barking at you doesn’t induce that same visceral feeling of terror you get when some bloke in a white shirt 5 sizes too small for him and a Hermes belt says, ‘what are you looking at?’. Yet in spite of all that, the element of the pub experience that’s possibly most difficult to replicate is a freshly poured pint of draft beer. But the days of a flat Fosters from the garage may soon be a thing of the past, as Asahi claim to have recreated the full draft beer experience in their new ‘Asahi Super Dry Nama Jockey Can’. All thanks to a special interior coating that creates tinier bubbles, plus a pop-off top, you can now bring the pub to your living room. Needless to say, I’m sceptical – but this could be a game changer.

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Make Up Your Make-up.

From pints to lipstick – no, that’s not the title of Eddie Izzard’s autobiography. Revolutionising the make-up world, L’Oréal and Yves Saint Laurent have unveiled a personal lip colour maker which uses AI to offer ‘an infinity of shades at your fingertips’. The ‘Rouge Sur Mesure’ comes with an app fully equipped with features that allow you to match looks, play around with shades, ‘try on’ lipsticks with your camera, pinpoint colours in the real world and recreate them, and save all your creations and preferences. Once you’ve played God and selected your shade, the app uses the magic of Bluetooth to squirt a blob from each cartridge, which will then be mixed together, and just like that, you’re good to go. Granted, there’s nowhere to go at the moment nor any good reason to wear make-up, but let’s just ignore that and admire the straight up witchcraft that L’Oreal and YSL have unleashed unto the world.

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Diller or No Diller.

Saviour of children, friend to the elderly, pillar of the community: meet John Penis-man. Or ‘Dillermand’, in his native Danish tongue. Children’s entertainment is clearly slightly different in Denmark, as John is the eponymous hero of his very own animated children’s TV series on the Danish version of the BBC. I’m not too sure how to explain this, so I’ll just let IMDB have a go: “a middle-aged man with a prehensile penis that can extend to the length of several metres”. Hmm, doesn’t sound terribly child-friendly… Maybe the description of his powers will make more sense of this: “he can save children, babies and cars and even hoist the flag – with the diller.” Yeah, that doesn’t sound great either. The show’s creator Jacob Ley apparently came up with the character when he was making up bedtime stories to tell his own kids – naturally, he’s only allowed to see them every other Tuesday now. This has been the cause of much controversy this week, so if you find all this morally reprehensible, I’m dearly sorry. But if you’re into it, all 13 episodes are available on the DR website. Enjoy.

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the re-up: Sex on TikTok.

SELFHOOD have been busy the last few months chatting to the Next Gen about the topics they care about most. This month, they got the low down on sex and social media.

Where do the Next Gen go for the sex ed they won’t find in a text book? TikTok, obviously. Sick of being treated like idiots by puritanical boomers when it comes to sex, they’re migrating online to have more candid, more honest, more real conversations with one another. There’s a sexual revolution happening – and it’s happening on social.