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Volume 277

Don’t visit Wales. And while you’re not visiting Wales, enjoy some coolsh*t. This week, Alice and James bring you dodgy potato gnashers, NASA’s collab with Darth Vader, and some animals strutting around the world doing whatever the hell they want.

Do Not Visit Wales.

From my experience, the Welsh are generally a friendly, welcoming, hospitable bunch of people. But not right now. Right now they want you to p*ss off. Inspired by the Welsh Tourist Board’s recent ‘Visit Wales. Later.’ campaign, Owen Williams reimagined some posters of the beautiful Welsh countryside to warn ne’er-do-well English scum to stay well away, at least for the time being. This kicked off the #dontvisitwaleschallenge, in which nearly 3000 people shared their own deterring designs. My personal favourite showed a quaint coastal cottage with the caption, “Abberfraw: Get that kayak back in your Jag and f*ck off.” Charming.

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Chipped Teeth.

James O’Brien, a master potato printer, has kept himself busy over the last few weeks by producing celebrity dentures as potato prints. What do you mean you don’t even know what potato printing is? Philistine. It’s a unique technique spearheaded by James, the self-proclaimed Chief Potato Officer, in which you use spuds to create masterpieces – in this case, of various celebrities’ teeth. Doing Shane Macgowan was a bit harsh of James, but perhaps he was running out of yellow paint and only had enough left for a few teeth. It’s also interesting to see that, other than a couple gaps, Chewbacca and David Bowie actually had very similar teeth. Coincidence? You decide.

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Countryfile Xtreme.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there wasn’t a Ford Focus hurtling towards it at 40mph. It seems glib to claim that there are any winners in this quarantine – but these animals may well disagree. Living up to the well-known maxim, ‘While the people are away, the beasts shall play’, a load of animals have been enjoying all the newly deserted urban spaces. Seabirds in Venice, monkeys in New Delhi, pumas in Santiago – and even some mountain goats in Llandudo making the most of the #dontvisitwales movement. Smug gits.

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An Ode to Corporate Quarantinisms.

I’m very lucky to work in an office that isn’t full of tw*ts who speak using pointless corporate jargon and management lingo. And I’m not just saying that for fear of furlough. Weird turns of phrases and buzzwords like “liaising” always conjure up images of a middle-aged bloke, probably called Keith, slightly reclining in a leather chair with perfectly-polished shoes perched atop a desk – but with his tie off and sleeves rolled up to show that he’s a really cool boss who likes banter and pints. There has been a wealth of naff businessy soundbites flying around email inboxes of late as people desperately try to “touch base in these uncertain and worrying times”. Jessica Salfia has collated a bunch of these quarantinisms to create this lovely poem entitled “First lines of emails I’ve received while quarantining.” To be fair, some of them aren’t actually that bad – I’d be very happy to receive an email wishing me a Happy Taco Tuesday.

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NASA x Star Wars.

You may be noticing that this is the 2nd week in a row with a story about space. Well the Earth’s having a tough time at the moment, so we’re going slightly further afield in our search for coolsh*t. Last week NASA were launching an interactive educational platform, this week they’re pledging their undying allegiance to the Sith. Well, not quite. In reality, these are the designs for NASA’s Lunar Crater Radio Telescope (LCRT). Or in layman’s terms: great big bloody massive telescope on the Moon. According to a load of science stuff, this telescope could help shed some light on the mystery of how the universe was born over 13 billion years ago. Heavy.

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Run For Heroes

When the video began with Gary Barlow taking a break from avoiding tax to sing a few notes, I had a brief traumatic flashback to that awful Gal Gadot video from a few weeks back. But thankfully that was where the singing both started and finished in this particular celebrity montage. The #RunForHeroes ‘Run 5 Donate 5 Nominate 5’ challenge has been all over Instagram this past week and has now raised nearly £3million for the NHS. It’s a perfect combo: we need to stay healthy and the NHS need donations. So put down the pringles, go for a jog, and put your hand in your virtual pocket. Even John Terry, a stalwart of unfaltering moral excellence, has got behind the movement. Surely you want to be at least as compassionate as him?

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